11/6/2012

A Fathers Love


As I sat at home this Sunday Morning, a memory from the past flooded into my mind. It was a memory from when I was fairly young, about eight or nine maybe. It was a time when men were going off to Vietnam, man was attempting missions to the moon, and mothers and fathers were just trying to get through their lives and keep their families together.

With the war in Vietnam in full swing and the world in chaos, there I was an eight year old, dreaming dreams of future stardom.
 
And here is where i sat, in the midst of everything my only concern being, some day becoming a basketball star like Kareem Abdul Jabaar.
 
In 1968 he was a twenty year old college student whose basketball success had made him famous. He had been honored as player of the year, The most outstanding player in the NCAA tournament, and named the USBWA player of the year. Not to mention he played the game of the century against the Houston Cougars in the Houston Astrodome.
So it was no wonder that he captured my attention as I practiced basketball shots in my backyard that year.

This memory begins with me playing basketball in the back yard. One thing I need to explain here is that our family didn't have much cash available, because of the eight children they were raising. There was enough money to live and get new clothes for the start of the school season, but not much left for the hopes and dreams of us, the children.
 
We played with a used, hand me down, weathered, discolored basketball that didn't have much rubber left.

In fact I can remember the day that I was able to save enough money to buy a new basketball. It was a red, white, and blue one that put all other balls to shame. This is important because when you are the youngest in a family of eight siblings, everything is hand me down.

So, instead of playing basketball on a concrete court we played it on dirt, and instead of the basket being held up by a nice clean black painted pole it was a unpainted four by four.

Oh, yeah, the backboard wasn't new either, I seem to remember the lines being faded and the color being more of a yellow then pure white. Also if you wanted to make a shot, you had to make it by drawing from your experience, as I mentioned earlier the lines were gone.

If you've ever played basketball you know that those lines are there as a guide, so that you can judge where in relation to the lines that the ball was when you made the shot.

This would enable you to be among your friends someone like, (Kareem Abdul Jabaar), and be the envy of every one of your friends when you were called on to win the game.

As I was playing on that Sunday afternoon I seem to remember that the sun was going down, and it was quickly becoming increasingly more difficult to see even the yellow looking backboard as I took my shots.

I can remember thinking about going inside the house, but the allure of making that next basket kept me squinting in the darkness to see the hoop. I believe it was Sunday night which meant that I would have to eat dinner, then get ready for bed which meant waking up and going to school.

This of course was not my first choice, as all I had on my mind was to become a basketball superstar, so that others would envy me and talk about my supernatural shots all day long.

Then I can remember the Light tan colored Dodge Dart that was sitting in the back yard, and that I had to continually keep running to keep the ball from hitting it as I played. I wasn't up to par with Kareem Abdul Jabaar yet, so there were a lot of balls bouncing off of the unlevel hard packed ground towards the car.

Where the car was parked was more of a hindrance, but when you are the youngest of eight with three older brothers and four older sisters, the first thing you learn is not to ask them to do anything, especially if that meant they would have to move their car for you.

This meant instead, running continuously to keep the basketball from denting the car, because if that were to happen it meant sure death, and the loss of all of your hard earned spending money being handed over for the dent repair. This money had cost me hours of cutting weeds in the sun, not to mention that it had lengthened the time that it would take me to practice enough to have the skill level of Kareem Abdul Jabaar.
The result of this meant that it would take me at least until I was thirteen to be a superstar instead of ten. This wasn't worth the cost that I would incur, and so in my wisdom I decided that I would just keep shagging the ball so it wouldn't dent my brothers car.

Then as I was shooting my last shots I remember my brother coming out of the back door of our house and getting into his car. With the sudden allure of the car being gone, and the idea of not having to worry about his car being dented, something rose inside of me, and I ran over and asked him what was going on. Of course I didn't realize with the car gone that the ball would not have a place to bounce off of and it would make me go even farther to get the ball.

But, as I asked my brother what was going on I sensed something was wrong because of his lack of excitement. I don't remember the exact words, but I do remember asking him where he was going.
He then told me that he was going away and something like he wouldn't be seeing me for a while.

Later i found out that he and his girlfriend were leaving and that he was going into the air force. I couldn't comprehend all of what this meant in that moment, but I did understand that something was wrong.
I knew that my mom and dad were upset when I finally walked into the house that night, but at that time had no clue as to what had transpired. I only knew that whatever the reason, they were hurt.

Now, of course, I can understand what this all meant, and how this had changed the look of our family forever.
Later, I found out that my dad had stopped in at the bus station as my brother was waiting to leave. He talked with my brother and had given him some money. This was important because my dad didn't have much money, and it would have meant a lot for him to give it up.

But for his son, he would have given all he had without hesitation.

Now, as I have had the chance to see some of my own children go their way in life. I have been left with the loss that comes from the separation of them starting their own lives, and I can now understand more of what my parents felt, and the pain that naturally came for them as they lost but another child to life.

I know that God has been speaking to me this year about what it means to have personal relationship with him. Lately He has been showing me what fear does in my life, and the lives of others, and how destructive it can be in the absence of belief and faith in Him. I'm sure that my parents and my brother were just doing what they thought was correct at the time, and I,m sure they both had regrets later.

I could draw so many life truths from this story, one of a fathers unending love, one of a sons need to go out into the world and start his life, one of a mothers love and her not wanting to lose her son, but the one thing that sticks out this morning is fear.

Fear can effect our lives without us even realizing that it is doing so. The enemy will use whatever is available to Him at the time to work his destruction. If we do not spend time allowing Jesus to reveal these strongholds of fear in our lives, we will be destined to live in this fear as the enemy uses it against us.

I now have a different outlook on life and see the destruction that fear did to my family as we grew up in that small Arizona town. My parents did the best they could and I know that they loved us. But as life goes on, all we can do is learn from what God has shown us and submit to His revelations of the past and their outcomes, so that we can be in our lives honest and transparent before God and others.

Fear is from the enemy and can cause our lives to be destroyed if we allow it in.There is nothing we can do to shelter ourselves from being hurt, it is how we choose to deal with and allow that hurt to shape us that will determine if fear rules in our lives or not.

I like the way that my Son's girlfriend looks at it.
She simply says that we have nothing to fear,.... except for spiders....

We must remember the spiders will always be there, and that, Yes, God has even given us dominion over the spiders....

Remember, Even when life hurts you, Fear Ends Where Faith Begins.

Live the adventure and live your life out loud for God!